After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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