do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
