my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
