I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He has the fingertips of a God
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