How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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