im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
