She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
