So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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