I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
