She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
