Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
