I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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