Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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