he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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