She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
