Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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