dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize