I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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