You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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