I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize