I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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