What a fucking waste of an outfit
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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