So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sober January is a disaster.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize