I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i've created a new STD.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
