Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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