I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
