FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i need some magic done to my vagina
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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