did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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