I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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