i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
