She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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