i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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