she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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