be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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