UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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