Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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