I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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