just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize