apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
