i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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