I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
