Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
