I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
