he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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