Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
