a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
