I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
