it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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