i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
