the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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