dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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