Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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