how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
