piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
