I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize