maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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