Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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