Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
