you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm at about main and main street
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
