just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
