I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
