so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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