Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
