I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
