feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
