Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
